UPDATE: After Christine’s comment below, I realized I forgot to mention that I practically burst into tears about turning 30 when I called my grandma in Poland and she wished me a happy birthday. It wasn’t just the number 30 that did it, but it was her talking about how it seems just yesterday I was a little girl visiting my grandparents in Poland, putting on ballet concerts and girl scout ceremonies in their living room. So I was really just mourning my long-gone youth and childhood and thinking about how much I’ve grown and changed over the years, from a little girl to a naive teenager to a young adult to a 30-year old woman.
Not to be melodramatic, but I’ve been pretty depressed about turning 30. 2013 started a little rough for me. I didn’t go out and party it up on New Year’s Eve, so I felt like a lame-o loser. And then I got sick, and had to deal with a bunch of bullshit issues that were bringing me down.
Turning 30 is a milestone of sorts, so it makes you look at where you’re at with your life. And where you’re not. I have pretty high expectations for myself in my career, so I’m never quite satisfied with where I’m at. I always feel like I should be further than I am. (I feel like I’ve written about this before, but I can’t find that post right now, so here we go again.) Perhaps it’s not realistic to expect to have it all figured out not even ten years out of college, but I feel like 30 is such an in-between stage (for me at least) where you’re coming up but you haven’t quite made it.
And sometimes I feel like I just don’t feel things like I did when I was in my early 20s and stupid and spontaneous. Will I ever feel as excited and upset and happy and dramatic about things like I did in my 20s?
But, I’ve been slowly getting out of my funk. Several people keep telling me that 30s are some of the best years to have. More than one wise person tells me that in your 30s you know what you want and you stop wasting time and money on unimportant things. So I’ll be cautiously optimistic.
After all, things are kind of looking up. Although I almost refused to celebrate this dreaded day, I ended up throwing a party that was quite dapper. And I get to do some really cool things for work in the coming months.
So, bring it on, dirty thirties…