Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for

I’m attempting to overcome my freakout session to continue with day three’s topic: something you have to forgive yourself for.

I try to live my life in a way that leaves no regrets. Yes, it sounds cliché, and yes I’ve made some questionable decisions. But hey, that’s what keeps life interesting, right? Even the things I’ve done that have ended not-so-well I’d probably do again anyways. No regrets. So I don’t have one big mistake that comes to mind in terms of something I have to forgive myself for.

However, I’ve noticed it’s the little things that I sometimes can’t forgive myself for. And it usually has to do with guilt around putting myself first. Why should I feel guilty for that??

But I do. Whether it’s a guilt trip from my mom, or a friend, or a significant other, I too-often allow others to make me feel bad about doing something I want to do. Maybe this goes back to me being overly-loyal to others and putting myself second, or my passive-agressiveness. Maybe it’s the remnants of that infamous Catholic guilt. I don’t know.

But what I do know is that I’m going to forgive myself for putting myself first sometimes. I’m going to hang out with someone other than you. I’m going to stay out late and occasionally act irresponsible. I’m going to be alone for a while. I’m going to throw all my shit in a storage space, quit my job and leave the country. If that’s what’s best for me.

And when someone tries to pull a guilt trip on me, I’m not going to let myself feel down about it for minutes, or hours, or days even.

Look. I’m not some self-centered ass. I care about other people and I often go out of my way for others. That’s not always a bad thing. I just don’t want to feel guilty every time I don’t do something another person wants me to do. I forgive myself for putting my needs and wants and priorities first.

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